Blog - Page 2 of 7 - Mario Cloutier

Action Movies – Part 3

Of all the possible outfits one could choose, why do spies in action movies so often wear three-piece suits or tuxedos? And it’s not just spies. FBI agents, the secret service, investigators, security for the bad guys…everybody is dressed up in movies. Don’t they realize how wearing dress shoes and stuffy suits will just slow them down? Can you imagine trying to fight someone wearing dress clothes? Since movies clearly reflect reality, I avoid boardrooms, fancy galas, or other places where everyone is dressed up. You just never know when something is about to go down in such places.

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: August 28, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #actionhero, #actionmovie, #agent, #earthlycontemplations, #fancy, #FBI, #funny, #gala, #hollywood, #joke, #movie, #security, #silly, #stunt, #tuxedo, #welcometoearthdoctorS

Action Movies – Part 2

Have you ever noticed how good guys in action movies always have the upper hand? They are incredibly tough and they can survive pretty much anything. Good guys have it easy. They just fire their weapons haphazardly and always hit their targets. Playing the role of a bad guy, however, must be incredibly stressful. They have to make sure they never hit the good guys! If there’s just a bunch of chains protecting the good guys, they have to make sure they always hit the chains. Now that’s marksmanship!

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: August 25, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #actingschool, #actionhero, #actionmovie, #drama, #earthlycontemplations, #funny, #hollywood, #joke, #movie, #silly, #stunt, #welcometoearthdoctorS

Action Movies – Part 1

Have you ever tried to jump through a glass window or glass door? I have…and it doesn’t work. I see people doing it all the time in movies, so I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do it. Then it dawned on me. Hollywood is in Southern California, so they don’t need thick windows. I live in a colder climate, so our windows are thicker. Makes total sense!

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: August 15, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #actingschool, #actionhero, #actionmovie, #earthlycontemplations, #funny, #hollywood, #joke, #movie, #silly, #stunt, #welcometoearthdoctorS, #window

Jousting

Of all the sports I’ve encountered on Earth, jousting is by far the most striking. Two people sitting on horses, each armed with long heavy lances, running at top speed towards one another with the sole purpose of trying to strike the other before being struck. Not much of a sport if you ask me. The competitors probably wouldn’t even break a sweat if not for their heavy metallic armor. I understand this is something people did a long time ago, however to fully grasp the folly of this so-called medieval sport, consider what this sport would look like by today’s standards. It’s essentially equivalent to having two people sitting in their cars, each wearing bullet proof vests and holding a gun. As they drive towards one another at top speed they shoot at one another to see who will be hit first. Who would sign up for that?

Posted: August 9, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #bullet, #driveby, #earthlycontemplations, #funny, #gun, #humor, #jousting, #medieval, #silly, #sport, #welcometoearthdoctorS

Focus Groups

The rigors of science can be grueling. Scientists will spend inordinate amounts of time getting conditions just right to achieve a desired result. Entry level scientists learn this first hand in the lab, often performing tasks senior scientists prefer not doing. The Jelly Bean factory is surely no exception. Their customers want authentically flavored Jelly Beans, including their line of eccentrically flavored beans. You know the ones…vomit, earwax, booger, smelly socks, baby wipes, and skunk spray (just to name a few). There’s only one sure way to know whether these scientists have concocted the correct flavor. That’s right, a blinded taste comparison! Surely, such responsibilities fall on entry level scientists – right? What if entry level scientists decide to survey the public instead? That’s why I am always suspicious of focus groups.

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: June 12, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #candy, #earthlycontemplations, #focusgroup, #food, #funny, #jellybean, #job, #joke, #science, #silly, #welcometoearthdoctorS

Woodpeckers

Most animals choose stealth over politeness when it comes to hunting. Woodpeckers, perhaps sensing an evolutionary opportunity, opted for the latter. They quite literally knock on their prey’s door before gobbling them up. That’s why I hereby award them nature’s most polite animal.

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: May 23, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #earthlycontemplations, #funny, #humor, #hunting, #joke, #nature, #silly, #welcometoearthdoctorS, #woodpecker

Zipline Commuting

Why ziplining is confined to forest canopies is beyond me! Ziplining is fun and it’s fast, so why not use it as a mode of transportation in cities? Think about it – cities are packed with buildings of varying heights. So, the city canopy is really not that different from the forest canopy, it’s just a lot higher. Aren’t you sick of wasting time sitting in traffic? Aren’t you sick of being stuck on overly crowded trains? How many times have you shown up to work half asleep from a boring commute? Now, imagine showing up to work smiling, with an exhilarated look on your face that screams “I’m so happy to still be alive!” It’s like an all-natural coffee substitute. Seems like a no-brainer to me!

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: May 9, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #coffee, #commute, #earthlycontemplations, #funny, #humor, #silly, #traffic, #transportation, #welcometoearthdoctorS, #zipline

Indoor Skydiving

Indoor skydiving. As much as I like the concept, I just can’t get past the thought that it looks like a huge blender with people inside wearing funny looking jumper suits.

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: April 25, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #blender, #earthlycontemplations, #funny, #humor, #joke, #silly, #skydiving, #welcometoearthdoctorS, #windtunnel

Earthly Guide for Vacationing Aliens

How many of you have ever bought a travel book when visiting a new place? Exactly – we all have! That’s why I am writing a travel book for aliens visiting Earth. It’s still a work in progress, but in the first chapter, I list the five most important things aliens should know when visiting Earth:

Blending in is a must, therefore consider visiting on Halloween day.
If non-earthly means of transportation are necessary, travel at night with your lights off.
Telekinesis with most humans is a one-way conversation.
Beware of people dressed in black clothing wearing dark sunglasses.
Abductions, while fun and informative, should be kept to a minimum and only performed on consenting adults.

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: April 10, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #alien, #alienabduction, #aliens, #earthlycontemplations, #extraterrestrial, #funny, #halloween, #joke, #meninblack, #MIB, #silly, #telekinesis, #tourism, #travel, #ufo, #ufos, #welcometoearthdoctorS

The sky is falling!

The sky isn’t falling…right? That’s what I thought, until I learned about megacryometeors. Oh sure, you’ve surely seen rain, snow, freezing rain, and hail. But have you ever seen a megacryometeor? What is it, you ask? It’s basically a huge chunk of ice that falls from the sky. The biggest one recorded weighed 110 pounds and landed in Brazil. There have been 50 such recorded incidents of megacryometeors since 2000, so roughly 2 per year! Seems like a lot – right? That’s what I thought, until I learned that Earth is struck by lightning 100 times per second. So…wait…does that mean the sky IS falling?

These musings brought to you by Doctor S. Check out his adventures in the books entitled “Welcome to Earth, Doctor S” and “Doctor S and the Great Diamond Escapade”.

Posted: April 3, 2021

Leave a Comment

Author: Mario Cloutier

Category: Earthly Contemplations

Tags: #earthlycontemplations, #funny, #joke, #lightning, #megacryometeor, #meteor, #rain, #silly, #snow, #weather, #welcometoearthdoctorS